I am starting to believe more strongly that small talk is an art form, not just a necessary evil. I try to work at it; quite hard actually; I believe in its importance. It is, after all, a crucial stepping stone to friendship (with some exceptions, of course). I think small talk takes on the characteristic of an art form in that sometimes the harder you try, the more distorted it can become and the further you are from what it should be, or where you want to be. Overworking the drawing, you could say. It also seems to be something that can improve with practice: tear muscle to build muscle. I'm guessing that the Duchess of York is more refined in her social skills than the hermit living off in the mountains of Nepal. The old boy just needs practice! Small talk is also something that takes concentration. I remember reading in Strad magazine that the violinist Joshua Bell could concentrate so intently during the delivery of his rep, that he could change his fingering in a piece depending on what he was feeling at the moment of his performance. Not everyone can do that! That's gutsy! But it also means that broken concentration could be catastrophic. It could leave a musician wondering "Where am I?" and "Where do I go from here?". It's the same way with small talk. If you are not concentrating when you're talking with Michelle (Or was it Marsha?), you are never going to remember that she likes to go scuba diving for pirate's gold (Or was she talking about mold?).
For the sake of keeping things natural in conversation, practicing in order to get better, and keeping things interesting enough to hold your attention, I recommend the following small talk conversation tips. If somebody mentions the words "conflict" or "fight", insert the two words "cage match" in your next comment. If somebody mentions they are having a hard time doing something, kindly suggest the purchase of a pet monkey (useful creatures, they are). And if things go really down hill, where you are groping to find something salvageable from the conversation that has gone South to topics like the weather, you can always channel the conversation to picking out names for hurricanes. If the small talk gets to the point where it us just painful, another option is to quote someone semi-famous, and then to quietly slip away, but as LeVar Burton used to say "You don't have to take my word for it."
3 comments:
Great-gramma Campbell would sometimes insert relevant yet funny little poems.
My little old man and I fell out;
I'll tell you what twas all about,- I had money and he had none,
And that's the way the noise begun.
As always, your advice is greatly appreciated.
You know, small talk reminds me of the time I was in Peoria... yeah, we were so lost there. Couldn't find our way back out of town and almost had to eat the kids' spaniel, Buddy, who kept slobbering all over the back seat.
Yep.
I know one girl who really doesn't have many deep friendships but she can sure small talk with entertaining wit. She is like the rococo painter Fragonard of small talk.
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